Brexit Shorts: Burn by James Graham, starring Joanna Scanlan
Go on, you bugger,
take the bait. Take it. Take it. Yes! Yes, we’ve got
a live one here. Now, I first started following
@GreenGenie yesterday. Now, she’s a proper
fundamentalist ‘remoaner’, without the fun part of course,
zero sense of humour. I can smell them
a mile off these days. That’s largely because that is
most people these days. That just is the internet. Now, she first appeared at the
@ replies of Hannan MEP, who was talking about growth,
business being strong, and forecasts were just
scaremongering. And she was like ‘Well, we haven’t fucking
Brexited yet’ – she has got a point, but. I have put her on the radar of my favourite
frothy-mouthed leaver, ‘Dean’. I do wish that ‘troll’ didn’t conjure – fat, ugly, festering under
a bridge in the dark. I mean, I know it’s dark in here, but I’m on nights this week,
if you must know. Dean ran the Mansfield Vote Leave page, which was somewhat preaching
to the converted – we’re the town with the seventh biggest vote
for leave in the country, 70.9%. He’s actually a massive lefty, which
is the most fun to torment, because they are the most tortured, finding themselves on the same
side as the kippers. All I need to do is mildly suggest
that he’s an anti-progressive racist and … Buttons pushed. Right I’m going to tag …
Who is a nasty piece of work? Luke Morris. Formerly BNP. Where did they all go? We know were they all went, don’t we? Luke is a long-term project of mine. He can lob a couple of grenades
into this, get it going. I just know Luke is going
to go off, any second. So easy. My mum, she stood for the seat here,
yonks ago, after the strike in 1984.
That other little civil war. Proper mobilised her.
My dad – total waste of space. But she was there, picket lines,
soup kitchens, speeches. She even started reading literature. And my gran, she was the same
during the war. Saw an opening,
got stuck in. And I’m like that.
I’m a warrior. I’ve just been waiting for a war. This is it.
This is my time. I am the agent of chaos. And this is my weapon. Peeow! Peeow! And you lot,
you’re so easy to anger. Tucked up in your little bubbles,
where you say that you’re enlightened, that you’re in touch.
But then you’re like, ‘I don’t understand everyone on my timeline,
they all voted to stay.’ ‘Who are these people?’ I’ll show you, shall I? Let me introduce you.
The blockers to the blocked. Great Britain,
ladies and gentlemen, it’s about time that you
said hello to one another. Because if you want the truth,
I get it. I get why it happened. ‘Think of all the things you might lose’
– right? Really? What are those ‘things’ exactly? Around here? Your one single, unpick-able argument was, ‘Beware the chaos you might cause.’ That’s why you failed, OK? That was the point. Because chaos is the point.