Delicious Vegan Gluten-free Chili! (one-pot meal) Stump Kitchen 47

[Claire singing] Beans, beans the magical
fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot! The more you toot, the better you feel. So
beans, beans with every meal! [theme music]
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! [Alexis] Welcome to Stump Kitchen! This is
Claire! [Claire] Nice to meet you. I finished school
today! [Alexis] Claire finished f#%king school today!
[Claire] Forever! [Alexis] Forever!
[Claire] What are we making? [Alexis laughs]
[Claire] I know the answer cause I suggested it.
[Alexis] To celebrate you being done school, we’re gonna make some chili!
[Claire] Yes this is very fitting. I don’t think I told you this, but this was a meal
my mom made for me often. Shout out mom! [Alexis] Let’s f#%kin’ make this chili! Let’s
get out our mother pot! [metal clangs]
[Claire] I told you. [Alexis] That was really loud!
We don’t have a recipe. Claire’s contribution were these beans, but we’re gonna try some
other cool things like a sweet potato, which is like a stump lookalike. And look at this
mother beefsteak tomato! [Claire] Can I hold it?
[Alexis] Yeah! [Claire] It’s heavy!
[Alexis belches] Pardon me! [Claire] Wow, the gas is already beginning.We
haven’t even eaten the beans. First fart joke! [Alexis] Ding! [bell dings] Fart joke number
one! We’ll get some of this in the pot. Stump!
[Claire] Oh it’s not very melted yet. [Alexis] It’s not on!
[Claire] Oh! [Alexis] I think what we’ll do is cut up some
onion and garlic first. I like how you’re protecting your fingers.
[Claire] Look at my eyes. [Alexis] It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to cry!
[Claire cries] [Alexis sings] “Let it go, let it go!”
[Claire] Everyone needs a good cry every once in awhile.
[Alexis] Yeah and onions help you cry, they just get [email protected]#t — oh!
Do you want a little hug? [Claire] Yeah it’s been a long day.
[Alexis] Yeah! Let’s just have a little friendship hug.
[Claire] Oh I need a kleenex. [Alexis] Okay I can get you a kleenex.
[both humming] [Alexis] Lazy chops! Lazy chops!
It smells so f#%kin’ good!! Oh yes! I just want to remind everyone about
your snot rag over here. Onions are in and we’ve had a cry, it’s a
good f#%kin’ day. [Claire] Yeah.
[Alexis] So I think next we chop up our hard vegetables.
[Claire] Um, how do you cut a sweet potato? [Alexis] What I would do is cut it in half.
[Claire] Oh that’s softer than I thought it would be.
[Alexis] Yeah! And then put it on its flattest edge and cut it lengthwise.
[Claire makes straining sounds] Yeah. [Alexis] Very good. [singing] Sweet potato,
sweet potato. That looks perfect!
[Claire] Thanks. [Alexis] Oh look how pretty it looks!
[Claire] Yeah. [Alexis] Look!
[Claire] That’s what I do, I take it out. [Alexis] That’s fantastic! I just hold it
down and kind of slice off the edges, like that — Look at the baby alien growing in
there! [Claire] That’s a baby pepper?
[Alexis] Yeah. [Claire] They grow out of inside each other?
[Alexis] Well at least in this one. [Claire] Well I guess we do too. Whoa.
[Alexis] Lazy chop it up, laz– oh f#%k! This smells really f#%kin’ good.
[Claire] Your name Alexis… [Alexis] Your —
[Claire] Your. Possessive is open hand. There’s no gender pronouns in ASL.
[Alexis] There’s no gender pronouns! [Claire] Oh! I thought you were elbowing me!
Stump! [Alexis] If you want to add flavour to your
dishes, use some f#%kin’ veggie broth! Mmm! [Claire] Ooh!!
[Alexis] Yeahhh! So what the f#%k is next. Ummm uhhhh. Hmm. Yeah.
[Claire] Is it time? [Alexis] Oh god!
[Claire humming “O Fortuna] [“O Fortuna” plays dramatically]
[Alexis] You’re so big! [Claire] Look how meaty that is!
[Alexis] It’s called a beefsteak Alberta-grown tomato.
[Claire laughs] [both sniff]
[Alexis] Did you hear your nose? Did you hear that? It was like [indecipherable sound]
[Claire sniffs loudly] [Alexis] I have a nasal rinse if you wanna
do one. [Claire] This is a nice end for our friend.
[Alexis] Yeah. [Claire] Can you hear that?
[tomato squishes] [Alexis] Smash!
[Claire] Stump! [Alexis] Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee boom!
Mushrooms! Yeah! F#%kin’ great!
[Claire] You’re very encouraging Alexis. [Alexis] Thank you! There’s no f#%kin’ “right
way” to cook, it’s whatever feels good to your body and hands!
[Claire sings] Beans, beans the magical fruit! [Alexis joins] The more you eat the more you
[bell dings] [Alexis] Black beans
[Claire] Turtle beans… [Alexis] Black turtle beans! And red kidney
beans. And chickpeas. [Claire] So good.
[Claire strains] Um… yeah! What the f#%k?
[Alexis laughs] [Claire] I think? Wow. I’m learning so much
on Stump Kitchen. [Alexis] Balance this s#%t with your stump
and your stomach. Kidney beans in! Boom. It’s f#%kin’ gorgeous!
[Claire] Paprika. [Alexis] This is smoked paprika so…
[Claire] What’s the diff? [Alexis] Smell it, you’ll know.
[Claire] I do know! Cayenne.
[Alexis] Cayenne yeah. [Claire] Cumin.
[Alexis] Oh and we have these spicy things! [Claire] These are like what they have on
the table at pizza restaurants. When I was a kid me and my sister would just put one
single one on our tongue. AHHH!!
[Alexis] Oh! Ahhh! [Claire] Don’t do it.
[Alexis] Let’s just remember this. [both] Cayenne.
[Claire] Stump!! Was that a lot? It’s not that much!
[Alexis] Salt and pepper yeah yeah yeah. You keep me open like a 7-11yo shotgun bang what’s
up with that thang I wanna know how does it hang?
K, we’re gonna let that simmer while we prepare some toppings. Green onions.
[Claire] Okay. [Alexis] And cilantro.
[Claire] Yeah! [Alexis] Some people don’t like the stems,
I don’t give a s#%t, but you can cut the stems off.
[Claire] I don’t give a s#%t! [Alexis] I just roll that s#%t into a little
ball and then… [Claire] I think I saw this on the guacamole
episode! [Alexis] That’s right you did!
[Alexis laughs] [Claire] Cilantro showers!
[music playing “I make it rain!”] [Claire] Maybe one day you’ll meet Hannah
Hart. Hey Hannah, if you’re watching. [Alexis] Collab! My Drunk Stump Kitchen, yo!
[Claire gasps] Could you imagine? [Alexis] OK are we ready for this?
[Claire] I think! I’m so excited! [Alexis] Me too! Just grip the bowl with your
stump like this. [Alexis sings a jaunty ditty] Doo doo doo
doo f#%kin’ pretty! [Claire] Wanna see? Wow.
[Alexis] Wow. [Claire] The anticipation is killing me.
[Alexis] K, wait. [Claire] Oh come on.
[Alexis laughs] We don’t have vegan sour cream, but I think that this vegan mayo will do a
similar milky trick. Let’s give it a shot. [Claire] Sure! It’s too hot! It’s too hot
for me. [Alexis] It’s already in my mouth!
[Claire] Is it good? [Alexis] Claire! We made a f#%kin’ miracle!
[Claire] Oh god. It’s really good! [Alexis] So f#%kin’ good. That sweet potato?
When do you think the farts are gonna start? [Claire] Now.
[Alexis] Now? Is there something you have to tell me Claire?
[fart] [bell dings x 3]
[Alexis] Did you hear that? [fart in slow motion]
[Alexis] Did you hear Claire fart? This was the f#%kin’ best!
[Claire] Thanks! [Alexis] Thank you for being here on Stump
Kitchen. And thanks for watching! Subscribe to the channel, give it a little thumbs up,
send me pictures of you making this beautiful chili.
[Claire] It’s really hot in here. [Alexis] Yeah let’s open a window. [theme music]
AND STUMPTASTIC TREATS! [Claire singing] Beans, beans the magical
fruit! The more you eat, the more you toot! The more you toot, the better you feel. So
beans, beans with every meal!

12 comments on “Delicious Vegan Gluten-free Chili! (one-pot meal) Stump Kitchen 47”

  1. Brent Page says:

    So youre from Canada

  2. Brent Page says:

    How do you get guests on your show

  3. Brent Page says:

    which part of Canada do you live in currently

  4. Brent Page says:

    I hope you dont mind me asking you questions

  5. Brent Page says:

    besides your friends, who else can guest-star on your show

  6. Brent Page says:

    Can someone guest-star on your show via video chat

  7. Brent Page says:

    Lets make a deal here

  8. Brent Page says:

    I'll find us a glutten-free and vegan recipe and we'll go from there

  9. Angeepantz says:

    Your editing is sooo great!

  10. Brent Page says:

    Im gonna find us a recipe after church today. After that, im gonna contact you. Ok?

  11. KindofKiana says:

    Two of my favourite humans!!! Love it <3

  12. Sean R says:

    It's really funny because I learned the beans rhyme as "beans, beans, they're good for your heart/ the more you eat the more you fart/ the more you fart the better you feel/ beans beans for every meal"

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